So you’ve tried telling you’re children not to use the F word, and that cussing is bad, or wrong, or not socially accepted. Nice try! Then reality came knocking on your door, and you just decided to show them the value of honesty and talking from your heart. Your heart is cussing all the fucking time, it’s really a lot of stress and energy to go against it. Yes! that’s what they meant when they said “follow your heart”, they meant cuss the night (and day) away. Because holding things in is like not pooping, you’ll have to get it out eventually, and once you do, it’s just going to be more awful and more painful, so why the fuck wait? (This is not a parents advice website, so if you feel weird about this, just go on cussing, quietly. You can try to stop, but you won’t.).
Here are a few areas where you can begin letting lose, enjoying your true honest cussing self. By doing so you’re actually contributing to society, making other moms feel better about cursing, and about not being what they think is the perfect parent. You want to teach your kids to be authentic and real and honest, and share their emotions, and if they can, maybe add some fucking humor to it, hey? So why not show them some personal example? (P.S we do appreciate manners when they’re needed, but we’re talking about humor and letting go, you’re human, you cuss, so does everyone else).
- Mess. We all know that moment when someone comes to your house, and everything looks like it fucking puked itself, and you try to mumble something that will make you sound like a reasonable human being, like: “It’s been a crazy afternoon”, “I’m so tired lately”… you kind of shift between wanting to let people know it’s not usually like this, to taking the blame on yourself, when all you really need to say, is the truth: “Excuse the mess, my children were being assholes (they were making memories of being assholes!)”. You can keep it real by buying a sign to place in an obvious place and let people read reality by themselves, or you can just open the door holding a mug saying this, and have people figure it out in a more subtle way (anyone said more coffee??).
Please Excuse The Mess The Children Are Making Memories Being Assholes
2. Dinner. Let’s talk about that time of the day. When was it mentioned that by bringing little humans into the world you are obligated to be a shef? I mean, seriously. It’s not just about the actual cooking, it’s about figuring out what to make, making sure you make something everybody actually eats, because your true mission in life is to get them to bed as soon as dinner is over, right? and they won’t fall asleep if they are hungry, right? which means your night is going to be a living hell, right? and one doesn’t like veggies, and the other doesn’t like meat, and mommy don’t let that food touch this food or I won’t eat it, and he touched my plate! and he’s looking at my food funny, and who cares if you worked on this for 5 hours, we will break it into tiny pieces and pretend to eat it, just so we can get a ready made desert. It’s just dinner they say, you just have to give them healthy food they say. But every single night you’re facing the same horror. Here are 2 products that will absolutely NOT make your dinner hell any easier, they will only bring some humor into your life about it. But hey, that’s actually making it better, isn’t it? and just so you’ll know – your friends feel EXACTLY the same as you. So here’s what you do: you buy 2 of each, keep 1 and give the other to your besty just so you can both laugh it off every single night and keep your sanity. You’re welcome.
CafePress – You Call Them Swear Words – Kitchen Apron with Pockets, Grilling Apron, Baking Apron
3. I lose my shit. This sentence immediately makes me think of Tova Leigh. If you’re not familiar with Tova Leigh’s Facebook page – my thought about stuff you should join the rest of the mommies online that actually enjoy a good laugh and follow her. She’s keeping it real by saying out load and in a hilarious way, what all moms think all the time, but think it’s taboo or something. Well. It’s not, and you’re not special or weird for thinking it, you’re just raising little humans, that’s all.
So I honestly think this next T-shirt should be Tova’s trade mark, but until she picks up the glove and offer women to worn their surroundings about what’s about to come, we’ll offer you that service, just so you won’t lose your shit. Tova, you’re awesome.
LookHUMAN I Am This Close to Losing My Shit Womens Triblend Racerback Tank by
4. Appearance. Let’s face it, moms don’t always have time to stop for a second and care about their own appearance. More over, we feel moms should be forgiven for wearing the same yoga pants for 2 weeks in a row, and should get a medal if they only have 1-2 stains on their shirts. For real. If you went through another day and your kids are alive, fed, and well – you’re an awesome human being, who cares what you look like? But if you’re feeling like letting the world know you’re a proud got-no-time-for-things-that-are-not-little-humans kind of mom, just wear this:
We agree with your kids. You’re the most beautiful mom in the world. And have your coffee in this cup while you’re at it:
Is there any important mommy issue we forgot to address? please let us know in the comments! Thank you 🙂
If you want to hear more stories about moms cursing and getting support for it, you can read here. What? it fucking happens.
